Friday night: Another week has gone by. Mom continues to stabilize, but it is very slow going. She is more aware than she used to be and more conversational. She's really trying hard by making herself eat when she can, and to do physical therapy. She is working hard on trying to get out of bed by herself and be able to walk with a walker independently. She is not there yet. She still needs a great deal of assistance with everything. Some days she's very alert but other days she's in a fog. Her stomach gives her trouble - she gets constipated frequently and when that happens she feels very poorly and can't eat or do physical therapy. And, when she does physical therapy, she seems very tired afterwards. We've got another 1-1/2 weeks left at Stonebridge and it looks like we will be needing to place her in another skilled nursing facility. So far we are looking at Regency Village or Barton Hills - both places have a room. The hours that it takes to visit and care for her and her household bills/mail, home upkeep and keeping Danny fed are wearing on everyone. I know I have been very stressed out with that and with working too. David continues to put more hours in than everyone else, and it's really wearing on him. Maybe one day we will all be able to settle into a routine that is comfortable for everyone - but until then...it's just grin and bear it.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
finally got into the blog, checking in
Just spent the last 45 minutes struggling with Google to get into the blog.
You know when we were down at Christmas that we also checked in with Diana's next oldest brother Ernesto, who was battling lung cancer. He seems to be in remission. We also visited a lot with Diana's brother she and I are closest to, Roberto, and his family. He was in good health and spirits.
In just the last two weeks, he suddenly collapsed and was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. We've been on the death watch during this time; he was awake but unable to communicate with anyone at his bedside in the hospice. We got word that he died early this morning.
Roberto's body's going to be cremated, which will take 3 days from now, and the funeral--at Fort Sam--at the earliest will probably be next Monday. So right now we can't really talk solid dates, but if Diana and I fly down for the services--most likely we will--on that trip I'll try my best to take a day to drive up to Austin and visit with Mom and meet with everyone.
Love to all,
Rick
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Saturday, Feb 11: We met with the team yesterday at Stonebridge. Now we know that mom is probably there through the 28th and then we'll have to move her to a different facility. We have been calling assisted living facilities, but Stonebridge recommends a Senior Care facility...ie: nursing home. We now have a listing of those places to call and visit. They recommend the same type of care she's getting now with a nurse daily and people who can assist with the nebulizer/inhaler and medications. So - the search continues, I hope to have some time in my next two days off to visit some of them. Unfortunately, there are not that many that are as close to home as Stonebridge (they don't have any more room right now). Mom understands that she'll go somewhere else until or if she can get strength back enough to regain some independence: being able to get in and out of bed/chair, and use a walker. We'll see. Her goal is still to be able to come home.
Friday, February 10, 2012
A look back at the week: It's been a very busy week. Besides caring for mom, all of us have been busy with our research as well. First, I'd like to thank Anthony and Rachel for making mom broccoli cheese soup - she ate every bit of it and loved it. And, Louis and Rachel for making 3 or 4 chicken spaghetti casseroles for David and Danny. They also provided some delicious room snacks, cookies, muffins and chips. We gave a muffin to Pat (the speech therapist) and she had it for a break. Robert has made several dinners for David and Danny and us - he is a great cook and makes large quantities of food! Everyone has pitched in with the visitation schedule and it's worked great. It has been a great comfort to me to know when someone will be there so that I don't have to try to work a visit in my very hectic schedule if I don't need to. David and Mike have spent quite a bit of time with her this week.
Mike, David and I spent all Monday afternoon figuring out mom's income and outgoing bills. We are trying to understand her policies for insurance and also medicare vs medicade, etc. We are now going into week 3 at Stonebridge and we expect them at any time now to say that mom has progressed as far as she can go and we will need to take her out of there. The big question - is WHERE! David called a lawyer who deals with Medicade and had a very good free consultation. We now know what plan C might look like. David and Mike have also researched assisted living facilities and group homes - and found out some interesting facts. Mom's insurance will only cover a licensed facility. Most group homes of 4 or less beds do not need to be licensed. That knocked out quite a few on the list. Mike, David and I visited a facility off Kinney Ave. called Barton Hills Assisted Living. We kind of liked it, but they only have one room available and it doesn't have a bathroom or running water in it. Mom and guests would have to travel a long hall to get to one. They also had strict visiting hours - between 7 and 9 only. It was very depressing to think of putting mom in this type of home: it seems that most of the residents are in declining mental states and would not be good companions for mom. I'm afraid that her days will be spent bedridden with only a TV for entertainment. It's a sad situation: She still has her quick, sharp mental faculties, but is unable to stand, walk, or sit unattended and is also in briefs and has a hard time feeding herself. She requires 24 hour assistance, but mentally she is still all there.
Today, Mike, David and I have a meeting at Stonebridge to see how mom has progressed and to pick their brains about ideas. We are meeting with Christina, the social worker. We also need to go look at some more facilities. If anyone has time or interest, help in this research would be great.
For now, we are going to go with PRIVATE PAY. Her nursing home insurance will pick up about $2,000 of it, Interim Health which is covered by medicare, will provide some stuff: a hospital bed, wheelchair, walker, a nurse maybe once a week, etc. We will pay for the rest out of her monthly income. We want a licensed facility, small to midsize - a nurse on staff 24 hours/day and in South Austin. It looks like most of the places will charge between 4 - 5,000/month.
Mom is still hanging in there. She is mentally quick, but is very weak. We have cut back her physical therapy from two 45 minute sessions a day to 2 - 15 min. sessions. We've asked that they leave her alone 1 hour prior and 1 hour after a meal is served to conserve her energy. This seems to be working better - in that she is more alert, not so exhausted and will eat at her mealtimes. We all discussed the next move with her and she has left it in our hands to make the best decision we can make.
So, for now we'll see what happens.
Mike, David and I spent all Monday afternoon figuring out mom's income and outgoing bills. We are trying to understand her policies for insurance and also medicare vs medicade, etc. We are now going into week 3 at Stonebridge and we expect them at any time now to say that mom has progressed as far as she can go and we will need to take her out of there. The big question - is WHERE! David called a lawyer who deals with Medicade and had a very good free consultation. We now know what plan C might look like. David and Mike have also researched assisted living facilities and group homes - and found out some interesting facts. Mom's insurance will only cover a licensed facility. Most group homes of 4 or less beds do not need to be licensed. That knocked out quite a few on the list. Mike, David and I visited a facility off Kinney Ave. called Barton Hills Assisted Living. We kind of liked it, but they only have one room available and it doesn't have a bathroom or running water in it. Mom and guests would have to travel a long hall to get to one. They also had strict visiting hours - between 7 and 9 only. It was very depressing to think of putting mom in this type of home: it seems that most of the residents are in declining mental states and would not be good companions for mom. I'm afraid that her days will be spent bedridden with only a TV for entertainment. It's a sad situation: She still has her quick, sharp mental faculties, but is unable to stand, walk, or sit unattended and is also in briefs and has a hard time feeding herself. She requires 24 hour assistance, but mentally she is still all there.
Today, Mike, David and I have a meeting at Stonebridge to see how mom has progressed and to pick their brains about ideas. We are meeting with Christina, the social worker. We also need to go look at some more facilities. If anyone has time or interest, help in this research would be great.
For now, we are going to go with PRIVATE PAY. Her nursing home insurance will pick up about $2,000 of it, Interim Health which is covered by medicare, will provide some stuff: a hospital bed, wheelchair, walker, a nurse maybe once a week, etc. We will pay for the rest out of her monthly income. We want a licensed facility, small to midsize - a nurse on staff 24 hours/day and in South Austin. It looks like most of the places will charge between 4 - 5,000/month.
Mom is still hanging in there. She is mentally quick, but is very weak. We have cut back her physical therapy from two 45 minute sessions a day to 2 - 15 min. sessions. We've asked that they leave her alone 1 hour prior and 1 hour after a meal is served to conserve her energy. This seems to be working better - in that she is more alert, not so exhausted and will eat at her mealtimes. We all discussed the next move with her and she has left it in our hands to make the best decision we can make.
So, for now we'll see what happens.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
My Day
This was my day. Slept in a bit, but got up about 8:30 with a lot on my mind. I spend almost all my waking hours thinking about mom and the rest of my family - I also think about how little time I have to enjoy my husband and grand kids and how little I relax anymore. There is so much to do. I walk over to David's - he's already outside feeding his chickens and has already been up to help mom with breakfast. He said she was a little distraught because she didn't get dinner last night - he went up to see her about 10pm after our family meeting. By that time, there wasn't anything to get her except some ice cream he had brought up. David is always trying to make her food that she likes and is always cooking and planning additions to all her meals. He has to pulverize everything he makes - she likes it the consistency of pudding now.
After visiting with Robert for a bit - I get on over to mom's house. I've got to go through all her files and start trying to make some sense out of all her accounts and files. Mike and David and I are meeting Monday at 2:00 and I don't want to waste any one's time fumbling around looking for stuff...so I think, just go through her file drawers and see what's there and get them out on the dining room table.
Before I got there David had already made Danny's breakfast ready to be reheated for when he woke up. He's a late sleeper. David was already back up to see mom - even though Kitt was taking the 12:00 lunch today - he wanted to see if he could talk to mom about trying to stay on schedule. He was also making her some special soup he created. He loves her very much and really spoils her with delicious foods.
Danny had just eaten when I got there and was cleaning up the kitchen. So - it was quiet, just me and Dan. I've been wanting to talk to him for awhile now without distractions. We've talked about giving him a schedule of jobs to do - keep him active and involved. Mom had a lot of 2012 calendars hanging around so I grabbed a bunch of them and told him that we were going to make a schedule for him and he could pick out his calendar. He went through them all and liked the one with ocean and underwater photography. Then, we sat at the table and made lists for every day of the week. We talked about how he was the man of the house now and needed to take care of it. We decided to let Rosa go (the house cleaner), and I think Danny likes being back in charge. He helped me think of things, and then I had him read the calendar back to me to be sure he could read my writing. And, he gets Saturday and Sunday off, just like everyone else who has a job. He seemed really proud of himself and really cleaned the kitchen good, including sweeping all the tile floors - that wasn't even on his schedule. We got the sheets off his bed and put them in the washer. He likes to switch the laundry to the dryer and likes to fold and put away. He made up his own bed and when I left today he was thoroughly dusting all his shelves in his room and was going to vacuum too. Next Saturday he goes to his ARC party - he's looking forward to that.
So - back to the files. I got them all out on the table with labels on them. I'm opening all mom's mail and paying all her bills. There's insurance stuff I've gotten in the mail and don't know what to do with. Thankfully we have Mike! He is so smart and has a head for business and knows insurance and he's very calm and ordered in his thinking. He's a good balance for David and me. David is very "passionate" and determined, and I'm trying to keep things organized. I just hope Mike doesn't laugh at me tomorrow when he sees the dining table. I'm just trying to help, but I think he thinks I go a little overboard. I used up almost a whole pad of sticky notes! I'm looking forward to tomorrow. This is where the pedal hits the metal. We don't have much time to make some major decisions about mom's life. We are all very saddened about the decisions that we will have to make and I know my stomach is in knots when I realize that we are essentially having to put mom in a home. We just can't take care of her at home, and it's very agonizing. I know this is not how she wants to live. We have so much work to do.
I got all her bills paid and opened all the mail from the last two days and threw away so much junk.
I am so thankful to Estherlene who is helping with returning tons of merchandise mom bought before she got sick that she just can't use now - about $600.00 worth I think. Every little bit will help. And, I'm thankful for my daughters who have pitched in 110% for me and all of us. Kitt with her notes and visits to mom, Kelly and Ken for getting this blog up so quickly. For Robert for all his love and kind support to me and all my family. I don't know what I'd do without him. And most of all for David - he's an incredible loving, giving brother and son. And I'm so proud of him - February 8th is his 10th anniversary and we are so lucky to have him back in our lives.
Well, Sherry had the dinner hour with mom. Not sure how that went. David I'm sure will be up later before she goes to bed. I'll be up tomorrow to get her schedule organized.
Had a good long conversation with Rick today. I'm so happy to have this blog for him and his family to follow. I know how hard it is to be so far away. We will post some pictures too so he can follow along with current events better.
I did have fun tonight! I've been looking forward all day to going to Kitt and Jack's house for a super bowl party. I got to play with Sage and Sean and be with friends and family. We laughed and played and forgot our troubles for a few hours. Sage was worried I might have a relapse from Christmas!
So - tomorrow will bring a new set of challenges. I am going to try to stay calm and focused and stay thankful for all that I have.
I love you all.
After visiting with Robert for a bit - I get on over to mom's house. I've got to go through all her files and start trying to make some sense out of all her accounts and files. Mike and David and I are meeting Monday at 2:00 and I don't want to waste any one's time fumbling around looking for stuff...so I think, just go through her file drawers and see what's there and get them out on the dining room table.
Before I got there David had already made Danny's breakfast ready to be reheated for when he woke up. He's a late sleeper. David was already back up to see mom - even though Kitt was taking the 12:00 lunch today - he wanted to see if he could talk to mom about trying to stay on schedule. He was also making her some special soup he created. He loves her very much and really spoils her with delicious foods.
Danny had just eaten when I got there and was cleaning up the kitchen. So - it was quiet, just me and Dan. I've been wanting to talk to him for awhile now without distractions. We've talked about giving him a schedule of jobs to do - keep him active and involved. Mom had a lot of 2012 calendars hanging around so I grabbed a bunch of them and told him that we were going to make a schedule for him and he could pick out his calendar. He went through them all and liked the one with ocean and underwater photography. Then, we sat at the table and made lists for every day of the week. We talked about how he was the man of the house now and needed to take care of it. We decided to let Rosa go (the house cleaner), and I think Danny likes being back in charge. He helped me think of things, and then I had him read the calendar back to me to be sure he could read my writing. And, he gets Saturday and Sunday off, just like everyone else who has a job. He seemed really proud of himself and really cleaned the kitchen good, including sweeping all the tile floors - that wasn't even on his schedule. We got the sheets off his bed and put them in the washer. He likes to switch the laundry to the dryer and likes to fold and put away. He made up his own bed and when I left today he was thoroughly dusting all his shelves in his room and was going to vacuum too. Next Saturday he goes to his ARC party - he's looking forward to that.
So - back to the files. I got them all out on the table with labels on them. I'm opening all mom's mail and paying all her bills. There's insurance stuff I've gotten in the mail and don't know what to do with. Thankfully we have Mike! He is so smart and has a head for business and knows insurance and he's very calm and ordered in his thinking. He's a good balance for David and me. David is very "passionate" and determined, and I'm trying to keep things organized. I just hope Mike doesn't laugh at me tomorrow when he sees the dining table. I'm just trying to help, but I think he thinks I go a little overboard. I used up almost a whole pad of sticky notes! I'm looking forward to tomorrow. This is where the pedal hits the metal. We don't have much time to make some major decisions about mom's life. We are all very saddened about the decisions that we will have to make and I know my stomach is in knots when I realize that we are essentially having to put mom in a home. We just can't take care of her at home, and it's very agonizing. I know this is not how she wants to live. We have so much work to do.
I got all her bills paid and opened all the mail from the last two days and threw away so much junk.
I am so thankful to Estherlene who is helping with returning tons of merchandise mom bought before she got sick that she just can't use now - about $600.00 worth I think. Every little bit will help. And, I'm thankful for my daughters who have pitched in 110% for me and all of us. Kitt with her notes and visits to mom, Kelly and Ken for getting this blog up so quickly. For Robert for all his love and kind support to me and all my family. I don't know what I'd do without him. And most of all for David - he's an incredible loving, giving brother and son. And I'm so proud of him - February 8th is his 10th anniversary and we are so lucky to have him back in our lives.
Well, Sherry had the dinner hour with mom. Not sure how that went. David I'm sure will be up later before she goes to bed. I'll be up tomorrow to get her schedule organized.
Had a good long conversation with Rick today. I'm so happy to have this blog for him and his family to follow. I know how hard it is to be so far away. We will post some pictures too so he can follow along with current events better.
I did have fun tonight! I've been looking forward all day to going to Kitt and Jack's house for a super bowl party. I got to play with Sage and Sean and be with friends and family. We laughed and played and forgot our troubles for a few hours. Sage was worried I might have a relapse from Christmas!
So - tomorrow will bring a new set of challenges. I am going to try to stay calm and focused and stay thankful for all that I have.
I love you all.
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Meal times conversation
Hi, this is Michele. I have some thoughts about the meal time routine and sign ups. It was brought up in a few conversations today that trying to be with mom during these specific meal times may be frustrating for all. Our experience is that she refuses the food at these specific times and wants it saved and re-heated at a later point. I think because she frequently refuses the food at these specific times that the nurse and physical therapist go ahead and do their treatments during her meal times instead. I am going to go down there in the morning and talk schedule with people in charge. I am going to suggest that they bring her food tray and leave it at those times and to not do any treatments for at least an hour after the meal. She should be eating every 4 - 4.5 hours anyway and not refusing food, and expecting the aide to remember to continue to ask her if she wants it and then re-heat old food. I'll also let her know people want to come during her meal times to help, but we have limited time and can't be there for several hours waiting for her appetite to come around. Please leave comments and share your thoughts.
Meeting Minutes from 2/4/2012 Meeting
Hello Everyone!!
Here are the results of the meeting last night, at some point I kind of stopped taking notes because there were too many conversations going at once, but I think I got the gist.
Background-
Last Thursday 2/2/12 there was a meeting with the staff of Stonebridge
and Michele, David & Michael regarding Grandma's care and next
steps. Essentially the physical therapist is in charge of determining
her progress. As long as her progress is positive she will stay until
she gets to her optimum level of ability, at which time a decision as to
where she goes from there needs to be made. If she levels out or
if her progress begins to decline, she will need to leave, at which time
a deision needs to be made as to where she goes from there. They are
anticipating
within 2 weeks, being able to determine what to expect from her and be
able to make a decision about her future. We are currently beginning the
2nd week. David is pretty sure that she is aware she will not be coming
home and sleeping in the recliner, using the toilet in the living room
and relying on family care as the primary source. He has had this
conversation with her on at least 3 different occasions.
Much time was spent convincing David to get a new phone, he will be going to get a new phone ASAP.
Next
Item: Grandma's Schedule vs. Family Availability. There is a need to
streamline when people will be up there, and a way to coordinate our
schedules, so that there are not large groups at one time (unless they
want to be there) and everyone can have a sense of who is where when...
Ken, Kelly & Kitt are researching blogs and schedule websites that
we can use to help streamline this
process
Grandma's really needs someone with her
at each meal time, to help motivate her to eat. ***If you are unable or
don't want to do the date and time that you signed up for, contact
David.
Breakfast: 7:30 AM
Lunch: 12:00 PM
Dinner: 5:00 PM
David wants to do morning breakfasts
Sun 2/5/12
B: David
L: Kitt
D: Sherry (if available)
Mon 2/6/12
B: David
L: Kelly
D: Rachel
Tues 2/7/12
B: David
L: Open (anyone interested?)
D: Kitt
Weds 2/8/12
B: David
L: Mike
D: Open (anyone interested?)
Thursday 2/9/12
B: David
L: Anthony
D: Open (anyone interested?)
Friday
2/10/12
B: David
L: Open (anyone interested?)
D: Open (anyone interested?)
Saturday 2/11/12
B: David
L: Estherlene & Mike
D: Kitt
Sunday 2/12/12
B: David
L: Michele
D: Sherry (if available)
Monday 2/13/12
B: David
L: Kelly
D: Open (anyone interested?)
Another
suggestion was the offer of cooking food either for Grandma, for David
and Danny, or for anyone in the family who might need it... It was
decided to drop off dishes to the main house and coordinate that with
David... suggestions for food were: Soups or casseroles that can be
frozen.
People willing to cook:
Esterlene & Mike
Anna &
Anthony
Kitt
Robert
Next
item: how to keep Richard & his family in the loop. It was suggested
by Ken and Kelly to develop a family blog that is private, and that we
can all update and use to communicate. Kelly & Ken are researching
options.
Finally, it was decided that a smaller
meeting of David, Michael and Michele, would meet at 2 pm on Monday to
discuss the financial aspects of grandma's estate, and to organize how
to get information regarding nursing homes, vs. group homes, and also
what resources Hospice Care offers.
Please feel free to add any information that you would like to share, I'm sure I missed some stuff.
Good Meeting guys! :-)
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